Lost and Looking? Let’s build a road map to self-discovery and reconnection
Lost and looking…. sounds like a pick-up line, doesn’t it? Well, maybe if we were going to be discussing relationships…. but today’s blog is about something deeper: feeling lost and uncertain about how to find yourself
Let’s Talk about It
Have you ever had the experience of feeling lost or disconnected from yourself? Maybe you’ve looked in the mirror and questioned who it was looking back? One of the phrases I often hear from clients is, “I feel lost.” As I began to write this blog, I couldn’t help but remember experiencing the same thoughts and feelings and not having a clue where to begin
The million-dollar question: How did I lose myself?
Growing up with five siblings, an alcoholic father and an abusive mother, I often longed for peace—a sense of safety and calm that seemed just out of reach. The chaos, abuse, and uncertainty that filled the walls of what should have been a place of safety and love left me feeling desperate for escape.
When the chance came, I clung to the first version of stability I could find. I got married at sixteen, quit school, and by the time I was twenty-two I was the mother of four children. I did my best to cling to a life of ‘normalcy’ during a chaotic life—even as I realized I was in an unhappy marriage. At the age of twenty-nine, I found myself a single mother to four small children, losing my job to foreign trade, and going through a divorce. I was overwhelmed and so very lost. I was desperate for answers—but had no idea where to start. So, I began where I was stuck. I started asking myself the hard questions:
- What do I want
- What do I need
- Where do I find it
- What do I desire for my life?
- How do I make these changes without them impacting my four children?
I knew only one thing….to get to where I wanted to go, I needed to change up my life and I needed to move myself in the direction where those answers could be found. Thus, I set out to build my road map to self-discovery and emotional healing.
What causes us to lose ourselves?
We lose ourselves for many reasons and the experience is deeply personal. For me, it happened when I became enmeshed in the other roles I played — mom, daughter, sister, and wife. My self-esteem eroded, and I buried myself in my responsibilities. Focusing on others kept me from having to look within. I lost my autonomy and became codependent on the roles that had taken over my identity.
What the Research Says
Studies in psychology suggest that major life transitions—like divorce, job loss, parenthood, or unresolved trauma—can disrupt our sense of identity. We often shift into survival mode, focusing on the needs of others while neglecting our own. Over time, this disconnection deepens, and we begin to feel like strangers in our own lives.
We become the roles we play:
The caretaker. The spouse. The worker. The fixer. The strong one.
And somewhere beneath the expectations and demands, our authentic self gets buried.
But here’s the good news:
It’s never too late to reconnect with yourself.
Let’s Build Your Road Map to Reconnection
Just like you wouldn’t set out on a cross-country trip without a map or GPS, the journey back to yourself deserves intention and direction. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need a starting point.
If you’ve found yourself lost and the need to reconnect to yourself, here are a few steps to help you begin:
- Pause and Reflect
Take time to check in with yourself. Journal. Meditate. Sit in stillness. Ask yourself the hard questions: Who am I today? What matters most to me? What have I been avoiding? - Reconnect with Your Desires
We spend so much time tending to others that we forget our own longings. Start small. What brings you joy, peace, or even a sense of curiosity? What did you love before life got in the way? - Grieve What Was Lost
Sometimes we avoid healing because it hurts. Give yourself permission to mourn the versions of you that didn’t get what they needed. That part of healing is necessary and brave. - Set Boundaries
Reconnection requires protection. Begin identifying what (or who) drains you, and consider how you can reclaim your time, energy, and space. - Seek Support
Whether it’s through therapy, community, or trusted friends—healing isn’t meant to happen alone. Sometimes, finding ourselves again means being witnessed and validated by someone else.
Final Thoughts:
The journey back to yourself can feel overwhelming—especially when you’ve been lost for a long time. But every step you take, no matter how small, is progress. You don’t need all the answers to begin. You just need to believe that you are worth the journey.
For me, that belief became the spark.
I knew I wanted more—for myself and for my children. So, I started building my map, one step at a time. I went back to school. I focused on raising my kids with intention and love. And I made the bold choice to love myself—fully and deeply—in ways I had never been taught to before.
It wasn’t always easy. But with patience, commitment, and grace, I began to grow into the woman I had always hoped to become. Over time, that map I once sketched in survival became a path of purpose, healing, and becoming.
As you embark on your journey to self-discovery, remember, this is your map to build and your journey to take. Make it your own… and make no apologies for the stops you make.
And if you find yourself lost again?
Pull over. Reevaluate. Breathe. Begin again.
Let this be your sign to begin again and remember…. You are not broken….You are becoming.
Written by: Michelle J. Bell, M.S., LCMHC